RDK Truck Sales
Gary The Garbage Man

Fall Arrives, Technically

Author

Richard Kemner

Date Published

Gary standing in the middle of a sunlit Tampa street releasing a single artificial maple leaf into the air in front of Big Bertha, a red RDK rear loader, on a cloudless ninety-one-degree morning

Fall Arrives, Technically

Special 11 — First Day of Fall, September 22

Gary standing in the middle of a sunlit Tampa street releasing a single artificial maple leaf into the air in front of Big Bertha, a red RDK rear loader, on a cloudless ninety-one-degree morning
91 DEGREES. THE EQUINOX DID NOT GET THE MEMO.

The autumnal equinox arrived in Tampa at ninety-one degrees, full sun, not one cloud brave enough to show up and pretend otherwise.

Gary held the full ceremony anyway. He always does.

There is a folding chair. There is a thermos. There is, since two years ago, a single artificial maple leaf that lives in the glovebox specifically for this occasion, because Florida does not reliably produce a real one on schedule and Gary refuses to let a season go uncelebrated on a technicality.

At 9:14 AM, the official start of fall by Gary's watch and nobody else's authority, he stepped out of the cab, walked to the middle of the street, and released the leaf into the air.

It fell four feet and landed on the hood.

"There it is," Gary said, like he'd witnessed a total eclipse. "Fall."

The Full Ceremony

A folding chair and steel thermos set up beside Big Bertha's tailgate with a small paper sign reading OFFICIALLY FALL taped to the mirror, decorated with a hand-drawn pumpkin
THE FOLDING CHAIR. THE THERMOS. THE ONE LEAF.

Russ has stopped questioning the ceremony and started documenting it instead, which Gary considers a promotion in respect.

This year's addition: a small paper sign taped to Bertha's mirror reading "OFFICIALLY FALL," hand-lettered by Russ the night before, complete with a hand-drawn pumpkin that looked more like a confused orange.

Ralph parked Loyal a few feet back and watched the whole thing with the patient amusement of a man who has learned that some rituals do not require his understanding, only his presence.

"It's ninety-one degrees," Ralph observed.

"It's fall in your heart, Ralph."

"My heart runs about ninety-one degrees too, then."

"Other places get orange leaves and sweaters. We get one plastic leaf and a really good excuse to drink hot coffee in the heat out of spite. I'll take it." — Gary

Mrs. Kravitz Files an Objection to the Calendar Itself

Mrs. Kravitz standing on her porch at stop thirty-one delivering a firm opinion to the RDK crew while an orange pumpkin sits watered and waiting on her porch step
YOU MAY COMPLAIN TO THE SUN. SHE CANNOT HELP YOU.

Mrs. Kravitz was waiting at stop thirty-one, as always, with a position on the matter, as always.

"The equinox is a solar event, not a temperature guarantee," she informed the crew, apropos of nothing anyone had asked her. "You may complain to the sun. I cannot help you."

Then, from behind her, produced with the theatrical timing of a woman who had been planning this for a week, came an honest-to-goodness pumpkin — real, orange, sitting on her porch step since Saturday, watered daily like a house pet.

Mrs. Kravitz presenting a real orange pumpkin from her porch step to the RDK crew, gesturing with theatrical timing as Big Bertha idles at the curb
SHE WATERS IT. IT'S DECORATIVE. NOBODY INTERVENES.

"It is decorative," she said. "It represents nothing. I simply enjoy pumpkins."

Bertha Says Hello to the Pumpkin

Big Bertha's headlights flashing once at a real pumpkin on Mrs. Kravitz's porch step in the golden morning light of the first day of fall
SHE SAYS HELLO TO THE PUMPKIN. EVERY MORNING NOW.

Bertha's headlights flashed once at the pumpkin, which everyone agreed was an appropriate greeting between two round orange things trying their best in ninety-one-degree heat.

The route finished on time. The plastic leaf went back in the glovebox for next year. And somewhere on Cypress Street, a real Florida fall carried on exactly like summer, the way it always does, fooling absolutely nobody and stopping absolutely nothing.

91° OFFICIAL FALL TEMPERATURE · 1 PLASTIC LEAF, RETIRED FOR THE YEAR · 1 REAL PUMPKIN, UNEXPLAINED · 4 FEET, LEAF'S FLIGHT DISTANCE

RDK Truck Sales · Tampa, Florida

1997Founded
8,400+Trucks sold
In stockParts
Count on itService

Happy first day of fall from RDK Truck Sales. Sweater weather is still a rumor down here, but the coffee's hot and the route's on time either way.

Gary, Russ, Ralph, and Mrs. Kravitz are affectionate fiction. A Florida autumnal equinox landing at ninety-one degrees is, unfortunately, extremely real.

Call (813) 241-0711
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